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A Fool..By Choice

Look at me,
Don’t I look harmless?
Don’t I look vulnerable?
Look at me!!!
Don’t I look sweet?
Sitting there,
In front of you,
On the ground,
My hair covering my face,
My face cast towards the floor,

I looked at you through watery eyes,
And you knew
I blew the cover off again,
Off of one of your lies..

My cheeks smudged with what’s left,
Of my make up, anger, love, pride, trust, & foolishness?

Somehow, I always end up there..
With another scar to bear.
My mind twitching with raging thoughts,
My mouth holding back words unspoken..

I feel like screaming.
Till I loose control,
Till I loose my breathe,
Till I lay on the floor,
All pink and blue,
But you’re still just standing there,
Like you got no clue!!

We’ve danced to this song,
So many times before,
I’m always right there..
Never have I closed the door..

We always seem to be sitting,
Enjoying ourselves,
And that song seems to come out of nowhere,
And you always seem to seize every chance,
To pull me up & in, to dance..

And I always go along,
Although I know it’s wrong,
I just clutch your hand,
And go through our routine,
Acting like I enjoy this song’s beat.
But we both know I just want to go back to my seat.

I’m a fool,
A fool…By choice..

I ought to smack you,
So hard you can taste your own blood,
You’d think you were drowning in red mud,
I ought to make you feel pain,
You’d think you were hit by a crane,
I ought to walk away,
But I never do,
I never do any of the things that I should,
I always stay..

It’s not that I am afraid,
To walk away,
It’s not that I’m afraid,
To be alone,
It’s just that I have hope,
Hope that someday while dancing,
To this song,
You’ll wake up,
You’ll come back,
Maybe one day you’ll get sick of this song,
And see how you have done me wrong…

Until then…
I’m a fool,
A fool…By choice…

This is for someone who I don’t think will not get the chance to read...Although I’m pretty sure that they know where they stand with me at this point. I know it seems to address a guy, but it’s not for a guy. I guess it was easier to write it that way, maybe easier to deal OR not to deal with it. Just because I don’t like who you are right now, doesn’t mean I don’t love you…I just hope one day I will get to know the person that's living behind their shadow.

Saturday, August 18, 2007 at 1:18am